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encephalograph He spoke the words in Terran Standard, not knowing if the
Darkovans had a word for it, and began to explain how it measured and made
visible the electrical energies of the brain, but she shrugged impatiently.
A simple and clumsy instrument. Well, in general, thought waves, even those
of a telepath, can t have much effect in the material universe. Most of them
can t move a single hair. There are exceptions, special forces well, you ll
learn about that. But in general, the brain waves themselves can t move a
single hair. But the matrix crystals somehow act to transform force into form.
That s all.
And the Keeper
Some matrixes are so complex that one person can t handle them; it takes
the energy of several minds, linked together and feeding through the crystal,
to form a nexus of energy. A Keeper handles and coordinates the forces.
That s all I can tell you, she said abruptly, and turned, pointing down the
stairs. Straight down that way. She turned and walked away in a flutter of
filmy draperies, and Kerwin watched her go, startled. Had he done
something, again, to offend her? Or was this some childish whim? She looked
childish enough, certainly!
He went down the stairs, finding himself again in the great firelit hall where,
this morning at sunrise, they had welcomed him welcomed him home? His
home? The room was completely empty, and Kerwin dropped into one of the
cushioned chairs, burying his head in his hands. If someone didn t explain
things fairly soon, he was going to go crazy with frustration!
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Kennard found him there, that way; Kerwin looked up at the older man and
said helplessly, It s too much. I can t take it all in. It s too much, coming all at
once. I don t understand it, I don t understand any of it!
Kennard looked down at him with a curious mixture of compassion and
amusement. I can see how it would be, he said. I lived a few years on Terra;
I know all about culture shock. Let me get off my feet. He lowered himself,
carefully, to the mass of cushions, and leaned back, hands clasped behind his
head. Maybe I can clear it up for you. I owe you that.
Kerwin had heard that the Darkovans, the nobility anyhow, had little to do
with the Empire; the news that Kennard had actually lived on Terra amazed
him, but no more than anything else that had happened in the last day or so,
no more than his own presence here. He was all but immune to further shock.
He said, Start with this. Who am I? Why the devil am I here?
Kennard ignored the question, staring into space over Kerwin s head. After a
while he said, That night in the Sky Harbor Hotel; do you know what I saw?
Sorry. Not in the mood for guessing games. Kerwin wanted to ask straight
questions and get straight answers; he definitely didn t want to answer more
questions himself.
Remember, I hadn t the least notion who you were. You looked like one of
us, and I knew you weren t. I saw a Terran, but I m an Alton, I have one of
those screwy, out-of-phase time perceptors. So I looked at the Terran and I
saw a child, a confused child, one who had never known who or what he was.
I wish you had stayed and talked to us, then.
I do, too, Kerwin said slowly. A child who had never known who or what he
was. Kennard had put it very precisely. I grew up, all right. But I left myself
somewhere.
Maybe you ll find yourself here. Kennard got slowly to his feet, and Kerwin
rose too; he held out a hand to assist the older man, but Kennard drew away;
after a moment, Kennard smiled self-consciously and said, You re
wondering why
No, said Kerwin, suddenly understanding that all of them had deftly
avoided touching him. I hate people jostling me; I ve never gotten along with
most people at close quarters. And I feel like hell in a crowd. Always have.
Kennard nodded. Laran, he said. You have just enough to find physical
contact distasteful
Kerwin chuckled. I wouldn t go so far as to say that
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Kennard said, with a sardonic shrug, Distasteful except in circumstances of
deliberate intimacy. Right?
Kerwin nodded, thinking over the rare personal encounters of his life. He
knew he had gravely distressed his Terran grandmother by his violent
distaste for demonstrations of affection. And yet he had grown fond of the old
lady, had loved her in his own way. His work associates well, it occurred to
him that he had treated them as Auster had treated him on the plane:
violently rebuffing the slightest personal contact, shrinking physically from a
random touch. It hadn t made him particularly popular.
You re how old? Twenty-six, twenty-seven? Of course I know how old you
are, Darkovan I was one of the first ones Cleindori told but I never can
convert that to Terran reckoning. It was too long ago I lived on Terra. Hell of
a long time to live outside your proper element!
Proper element hell, Kerwin retorted. Show me where I fit into this mess,
will you?
I ll try. Kennard went to a table in the corner and poured himself a drink
from an assortment of bottles there; lifted his eyebrows in question at
Kerwin.
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